I went to the Dr. on Friday, August 12. She told me she wanted to induce me on Monday but I would need to spend the night at the hospital Sunday night to take a medication that is used for something else, but has a side effect that will help prepare me to go into labor. I wasn't close to being effaced so she said I couldn't just be given pitocin right off.
Well, that did not sound good to me so I told her I didn't want to be induced. She told me she would only wait until Wednesday at the most. Waiting any longer would increase the risk of losing the baby. I had a good friend that just lost her baby a couple of days before her scheduled c-section so that was very stressful to hear.
I prayed hard and asked others to pray as well that this little girl might come to us before the induction process on Wednesday. You may wonder why I didn't jump at the chance to be induced. I did, however, I was planning a natural delivery and I was afraid of getting pitocin because of the longer and more intense contractions. I knew I would probably need an epidural, but I didn't want an epidural because when I had one with Brody it was so difficult for me to push. I just knew as much pain as it is it would be better option to give birth without an epidural.
So, anyway, Sunday I had contractions all day, but this was nothing new. I had been having them for about 3 weeks. Lots of false alarms so I didn't think this would be it, until about 10 pm that night the contractions started to get considerably more painful. Then they started to come about 20 minutes apart. Then they started to get 10 minutes and sometimes 5. Well, I knew this was it! I was soooo excited. I thought YES!!! in 6 hours or so this would all be over and I would be looking at my sweet baby! I was nervous but I thought bring it on! Well, well, well, little did I know what I was in store for!
I told Chris due to my last 2 labor/deliveries, I think we should just go to the hospital. We never know what to expect. So, off we went about 3 am. We got checked in and I was only dilated to 3. I told the nurse I progress all at the end and really fast. We were admitted and all I wanted to do was get into the bathtub. That really takes the edge off the pain for me. The nurse was taking forever and then I started to shake really bad, like I was cold, but I wasn't. I was really hot in fact! She told me it was because I was transitioning so fast. I had really intensive contractions and was shaking for about 1 1/2 hrs. I felt like I never got to relax and rest in between each contraction. About 7:00 the doctor came in to check on me and I told her all I want to do is get into the tub. She said it's too late. I started to cry. She quickly said okay. So, I got in the tub and it didn't help at all! I felt such a deep feeling of despair. I didn't know how I was going to get through this. The last 2 times of childbirth the warm water was what helped me get up that steep hill. I told Chris I can't do this.
Suddenly I felt I needed to push and I felt ILL!!! I was so uncomfortable. (The feelings are all flooding back to me as I even write this!) I felt like I was a crazy woman. I was making strange noises. I felt like I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I felt like I was on some crazy drug and all I wanted to do was make it all stop. I couldn't sit, I couldn't lay, I couldn't stop moving my body, the pain was so intense. I remember the nurse trying to get me to hold still and telling me to not fight it and to just relax. My mind was a blur, but all of the sudden I felt this strong power within myself. I told myself, this has got to end and it has to end now. I just started to push and then I took one more breath and pushed again and McKenzie was born. Immediately the pain seized. I felt this calmness like never before. I was exhausted. More than I ever had before been. I couldn't even lift my arms to hold McKenzie. I could barely lift my head to look at her. She was beautiful and BIG! She was 10 lbs. 2 oz. !!!
It was the hardest thing I have had to endure. I just kept thinking I'm so glad that is over. I have since pondered that experience often. I have never before experienced that much pain and real suffering. I think of our Savior Jesus Christ and how much pain and suffering he had to endure for all of us. I think the most suffering for him might have been when he was left all alone, even his Father, our Heavenly Father had to leave him completely alone for him to perform the atonement for our sins. I know my suffering was not even close to that of the Saviors but I think about it from that perspective and how I was never left alone during that experience. In fact I think it caused me to feel a closeness to God that is tangible. I knew I was not alone and I had strength given to me from my Heavenly Father. He loves me as he loves all his children. What a blessing it is to be given the privilege of being a mother. I am grateful for the challenge it is to be a mother and how it is helping me to progress and giving me much joy.
10 lbs. 2 oz! She had an extra 10 days to pack on some chub. Unfortunately so did I!
Chase Madill (4 yrs)
Blake Madill (2 yrs)
Brody Madill (6 yrs)
